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TCU becomes college football’s girl next door

Though she was a late bloomer, TCU is now catching the eyes of all of college football's big boys.

Things are getting interesting at NotFantasyFootball High.

You see, it is nearly time for the NFFHS prom and all the popular guys are trying to figure  out which girls will be riding in their limo’s to the event. Terry has been in love with Billy ever since he moved onto her street in middle school, but he never really noticed her. Oh sure, they were almost friends, but then other catty girls drew his eyes away from her. Now though, Billy’s limo has just lost three very pretty girls, and there are rumors that another may be jumping in another dude’s limo pretty soon. 

Now, with Terry very recently “developed,” if you know what I mean, Billy extends an invitation for her to ride in his limo. Problem is, Terry has already agreed to go in an SUV with Bob, a lovable drama kid, who isn’t the most attractive guy, but he is really nice.

So, sub in “super conference future of college football” for the NFFHS prom, “conferences” for guys and “schools” for girls. Then sub in “TCU” for Terry, “The Big 12” for Billy, “become a football power” for recently developed, “The Big East” for Bob and “good at basketball” for really nice. Is it sexist to make the conferences guys and the schools girls? Maybe, but I never had any girls organize rides to prom at my high school, so I’m gonna go with it.

Stick with me just a bit longer on my cheesy analogy, and I will explain how we got to this point. I’m not going to make you think too hard by substituting words anymore, so I’m just going to use the real names.

Way back in elementary school, before things like boys(Super Conferences) meant anything to TCU, life was just peachy with her best friends Texas, Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Baylor, Houston, Rice and SMU(the Southwest Conference). So what if that slutty girl Arkansas had just left their friendship group to hang out with some cooler girls and a cute guy(the SEC), things were still going pretty well. That is, until, middle school hit, and Billy moved to town. He seemed to be very good friends with those eight weird girls from the next block(The Big 8). Even worse, if appeared certain girls in TCU’s inner circle were considering becoming closer with those eight to talk to Billy. He was soooo cute, after all.

As middle school girls often do, they started talking behind each other’s back. Texas was saying TCU was flat(lacked recent national title runs), and the ugly girl in the group, Baylor, clung to everything Texas and Texas A&M said so that she would not be left out. At the end of the day, Texas, A&M, Tech and Baylor ended up hanging out exclusively with those eight other girls and Billy.

Naturally, TCU was crushed. I mean, she understood that everyone loved Texas and A&M. Why not? They were really pretty and their powers of manipulation scared everyone. She could even see Tech because she was so close with the other two and was a sweetie, but Baylor? Come on, Baylor was sooo fugly and didn’t even have a rich dad to make her cool. TCU was also embarrassed. Houston and Rice had been left out, but they were always considered on the outside of the group, and SMU had just been suspended from school indefinitely, who knew when she was coming back? “What is wrong with me?” TCU would cry at night.

It stayed this way for most of high school, but then, late senior year, TCU really “came of age.” Back-to-back BCS bowl appearances got the boys at school talking, and it wasn’t long before Bob invited her to come with him. Bob wasn’t a football player or anything, and he didn’t have a limo, but TCU had become so jaded in the past few years, she didn’t care. “Of course I’ll go with you,” she said, and Bob went home in utter shock that a girl who was that pretty was going in his party.

But, after Colorado and Nebraska decided that Billy was old news, things began to change again. The girls hanging out with Billy were all getting tired, actually. Texas got all of his attention and, to be honest, she was kind of a bitch. A&M had always pretended to be her friend, but she actually resented Texas and was constantly trying to find ways to get out from underneath her shadow. Colorado really thought Pete, a hippie that hung out with all those tan girls on the west side of town, was an absolute cutie, and knew there would be no Texas to boss her around anymore, so she got a ride with him.

Nebraska had always though Brad was a standup guy, and though all the girls he hung out with weren’t the prettiest, like Purdue and Illinois, they all seemed to really get along. He also seemed to like Northwestern as much as he liked Ohio State(equal revenue sharing). What a concept! Nebraska was totally down for that. A&M saw this as her chance and joined her old BFF Arkansas with Steve to the east. After all, that group had plenty of pretty girls, like Florida, Alabama and LSU, and none of them were nearly as controlling as Texas.

So now Billy was in a bind, and when news came that Missouri was so starved for attention that she would go in pretty much anybody else’s limo, he knew he had to act. I mean, how would he afford a limo if he didn’t have enough people to pitch in? Texas’ daddy was loaded, but she always insisted on getting more of the “beverages” than everybody else. That is when he remembered TCU. It made perfect sense, why hadn’t he seen it before? She lived a few houses over so he wouldn’t have to pick her up, and she still spoke occasionally with Tech. On another note, she had aged very nicely, and now looked a whole lot better than other girls in his group like Kansas, Kansas State, Iowa State and that sneaky betch Baylor.

So, Billy asked TCU if she had a ride. “Oh no, what do I say?” TCU thought. She then explained that she already had a ride and had to think about it.

Now, back to reality.

Members of TCU’s board of trustees are meeting today to discuss joining the Big 12. While we would all like to think that TCU will go with the nice guy she promised to go with, we know how these things work. Joining the Big 12 is something  TCU has wanted since the conference’s inception, and if you think they would give that up for a basketball conference across the country, you’re crazy.

That leaves two things to watch play out over the next several years. First, can TCU save the Big 12 from The Longhorn Network and Texas’ crazy money grab? Second, can the Big East survive as a football conference with no TCU now that Pittsburgh and Syracuse have left for the ACC and Connecticut is trying to join them?

One thing is for sure, like high school, college football is going to have plenty of drama. Sit back and enjoy the show.

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